The Worst of Me

Well, even in the early stages of menopause my period came again. Later then the last time. Monday I spent in bed; curled up with a heating bad, bottle of pain killers by my side and finding very little relief. I always tell myself that it will pass, however every cycle lately is worse then the last and my will seems to be wearing very thin. When my husband came home from work (he is sick with a very bad cold virus) he had already picked up our daughter from his mothers house. She stayed there all day because I was to sick to do anything...again. He walked into the bedroom, and walked back out to take care of her and all I could think was how awful this must be for him.

His wife is 25 years old and can give him no more children. His wife can barely move somedays or overcome the physical and emotional exhaustion to make it out of bed.His wife can hardly handle the pain of sex and sometimes we go months without it at all. Some days I wonder why he married me at all. A man that deserves more children. A man that is the most amazing father I have ever met. A man that puts up with a sick and angry wife somedays. Why does he do it? He deserves better then me on these days and the guilt I feel for being so sick consumes me. I can only hope that after my hysterectomy we will both find peace with it and what it means for our lives.

I hope to feel better. To be a better wife. A better mother then my illness has thus far allowed. I hope to be less tired and happier. But behind the hope is sadness and fear. Out of my half a dozen surgeries this one will hurt the worst, have the most affect on me mentally, and for a while I think I might lose myself. But what are we willing to give up for a life with no more pain? I have been sick for 10 years. I am so tired. I can't remember what it's like to not feel this way and behind my sadness is excitement for what this suregery might bring me. Is that wrong? I feel bad for everyone around me and I just want to be a better version of myself. They all deserve better then the worst of me, and lately i feel that's all they've gotten.
Model mask

Ovary removal?

Hi ladies-- I am having yet another lap in a month. I had a huge cyst rupture a couple weeks ago and since then I can barely be on my feet, and doctors have determined endo is severe enough to do another lap. I'm also having a LUNA which I had several years ago. There is the option to remove my right ovary, which is where all my endo comes from/grows and the one that always gets cysts. I am wondering if any of you have had an ovary removed and what the outcome was. Did it help with your endo, with cysts? I'm only worried that my fertility will decrease-- it took me over 6 years to conceive my son-- and/or that the problems will just move to the left side. I'm weighing the pros and cons but getting some firsthand accounts is always helpful. When it comes to quality of life mine is very low lately, and I haven't been myself in a long time. I'm looking forward to the relief surgery brings and completely trust in my doctors (husband and wife superteam)!
Thanks in advance.
luke and katie


Hi. I was diagnosed 4 years ago through laproscopy and they went ahead an burned it off and put me on lupron (after depo just made me bleed 24\7). I dont want to go through that again.. and recently I have started getting my period every 2-3 weeks and since I start hurting and get depressed the week before in addition to the week of I am almost always miserable. I am looking for alternatives. Does anybody else get pain before their period? Has anybody tried the "endo diet" and had some progress? Any suggestions welcome.. Feel alone and hopeless.

My first post in a while.


I’ve posted here a couple of times. I have a long history of Dermoid cysts. Have had three surgeries to remove them. My body knows when it’s time to pop out more cysts, as my surgeries had almost all been exactly two years apart, to the day. I’m 30, and am blind. I have a long history of extremely severe depression, PTSD, and suicidal ideation, as well. This was partially due to all my girl issues, though it started when I was a kid, due to a load of family trauma and kept going for years. I am thankfully not suicidal now and haven’t been for four years. I still have the PTSD, though it’s not severe and my depression is manageable.

I’ve always had very heavy periods. Many times, I would leak through at school despite my best efforts and the use of super heavy pads/tampons. I use the cup and Luna pads now and have blood clots, sometimes, which take up most of the cups’ capacity. I have had more ultra sounds than I can count in the last seven years. My cyst issues started with being in so much pain, I thought I was going to pass out, one night after returning from the bathroom. I could do nothing except writhe in pain for a couple of hours. My then-fiancé woke up and asked if I wanted to go to the ER. I couldn’t have walked at that point, even if I’d tried, so I said no because I knew he couldn’t have carried me out of our apartment. He was blind as well. I went in a couple of days later, because the pain wasn’t as bad, but it was still there. They ran tests, and tests, and then some more tests on top of those tests. They found nothing and kept asking if I was sure, I was in pain. I’ve had a history of not being believed about things in my life, so this did not help me feel good at all. Finally, after hours of testing, they got the bright idea to do an ultrasound and discovered I had a Dermoid cyst, which had ruptured. I had other cysts as well. Therefore, they removed them in November of 2006. I had cysts on both ovaries.

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Good evening all!

  I have pretty severe endometriosis and OMG does it suck pain wise. I am currently on Depo provera at 2.5months a shot but have been bedridden since saturday due to my cramps (My next shot isn't until the 27th of this month).  I also take 800mg IBUprofen 3x daily, and Tramadol 2x daily.. Can any of you ladies or gentlemen suggest anything else for pain management. I see my obgyn tomorrow, and will talk to her about my pain.. but I want to know if anything else works for pain for anyone else out there. I've tried baths and they just make things worse.. Are there any vitamins, teas, herbs, exercise or anything else you gals/guys can recommend? Thank you all! 

No cramps for 3 years with doubled over in agony...

Hi everyone - new user here. I was diagnosed with endo in about 2005-2006 (25-26 years old). I was on Ortho Cyclen, both for birth control and to shorten/lighten/make my periods regular. I went off, as an experiment, when my husband had a vasectomy. It took my period awhile to return, but things were okay for a bit. In 2008, I began having constant vague feelings of pain in my ovarian region, and had a transvaginal ultrasound taken. No significant findings, other than 2 small fibroids in my uterus.

In fall 2009, things all went downhill. I began having long, heavy periods with large clots. I had constant spotting when I wasn’t bleeding heavily. Under my doctor’s direction, I took heavy doses of Ortho Cyclen, which stopped the bleeding, then started taking the pills on a normal schedule. The bleeding didn’t take long to come back, and periods continued to be long and heavy. I had another ultrasound taken, which found endometrial hyperplasia. I took megestrol to control the bleeding, and my doctor performed an endometrial biopsy – no findings. We went ahead and did an endometrial ablation in December.

Irregular bleeding re-appeared approximately 4-5 months after the ablation. It didn’t seem to take; I had heavy flow at times, and constant spotting when not bleeding. I had the Mirena IUD inserted and it took a few months, but eventually just slowed down to spotting now and then; no real periods. This was in 2010.

I could deal with that; it’s now been about 3 years of virtually no period, just some light spotting now and then. I woke up at about 4:15 this morning in agony. I had cramps of the sort I used to get before I went on BCP the first time at age 14 because my periods were so heavy, long, and crampy. I thought maybe it was something wrong with my stomach, but I really didn’t have anything but a couple of light bowel movements; no diarrhea. I had pretty bad nausea, but no vomiting. And the kicker…my lower back was extremely painful, just as it was when I had all the endo pain in my 20s. It continued for about 3 hours. I could not lie still in bed; I was writhing around in pain. I took some Aleve and finally it abated a bit, but I can still feel it rumbling around in there, and my back is still pretty upset. This is all exacerbated by the fact that I had a really hard abdominal workout with my trainer on Monday…all muscles in that area are very tender anyway!

Here’s where I’m confused. There’s no menstrual blood. At all. Is this the end of my beautiful relationship with Mirena? Could it just be very bad stomach issues? I am almost in tears at the thought of going through this again; the year when I had the endometrial issues, the various meds, the ablation, etc. was so awful. I know many of you have gone through much worse, but I thought Mirena and I were getting along so well. Any ideas you have would be so much appreciated. <3
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    crappy crappy

Sleepless Nights

So, I have stage 4 Endo and no insurance, just minor assistance through our local hospital. I am on Depo provera to help with pain and growth, 800mg Ibuprofen 2-3x a day and Tramadol 50mg 2x a day for pain. Lately as my shot has been wearing off I get a terrible pain in my left ovary that cripples me and bugs me all night so I can't sleep. I have been told by my doctor it's okay to double my meds if the pain is awful. I've tried doing so and it's not helping. Is there any positions, vitamins, remedies or anything really that you may have tired that help? I've gotten about 5 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours due to awful pain. My next shot is on tuesday and it takes about 2 days to get in my system, but I desperately want sleep before then.

Thank you so much in advance for any advice or help! I am ever so greatful.

My Sexy Shot

Endo and c-sections

I have a question regarding existing endometriosis and having a c-section.
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I want to add that for those of you who are struggling with infertility that I NEVER thought I could ever have a baby. And after totally giving up and throwing in the towel I got the surprise of my life. I hope I can give hope to those who feel hopeless when it comes to ttc. Sometimes miracles happen <3

Thanks in advance for your advice/help/sharing.
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    curious curious

1st appt w/ new OB/GYN on on questions to ask welcomed!

Yesssss! I finally have an appointment for this upcoming Monday with my OB/GYN. Its with my local county hospital so all i have to pay is a $10 copay which is amazing! I am nervous because it has been 3+ years since i have seen a doctor. I started my cycle today with the usual nausea, vommittng, diarreah, painful urination, severe cramping, joint/back pain, hot flashes, weakness, dizziness and hand tremors. I will still have my period on the day of my appointment but it will be my last day so the lightest. Will that change my appointment at all? What should I take with me to my appointment? I don't have my old medical records from my old OB because it was over 6+ years ago. Will I need those? Will I need my records from ER visits? Sorry if those are stupid question but I just want to make sure i am prepared.

If you have any topics or questions you think i should ask that would be awesome!

Uninsured with severe pain. Help!!!!

So excited to join this community, share and learn so much!

Here are my symptoms:
*chronic pelvic & back pain
* diarreah
* heavy bleeding/clots
*pain during sex
*joint pain
*pain when urinating

I am 24 years old and I have been suffering with endo for 13 long years! In the past none of my doctors took the time to do ultrasounds or blood work. I went on a birth control patch when I was 13 years old but had to stop because it did not help the pain. I then went on Seasonale and had great results with less bleeding/pain and only 4 cycles a year. I had to stop that pill because my hair fell out. After that I stopped BC and stuck to pain meds.

At 17 years old I lost my insurance and no longer could afford my meds. I would then have to go to the ER if I could not control the pain, vommitting and pelvic pain with over the counter drugs. I am still uninsured and thinking of having a lap surgery done to decrease my pain...possibly and finally get a diagnosis. Only issue is I have to apply for financial assistace from my local county hospital..Grady. I also have to see a primary care doctor before they can refer me to a OB/GYN. That alone is a bummer because that could take weeks and lots of $$$.

So frustrating dealing with doctors that only see $$$ and not a person in pain!!! I feel like this surgery is my last option to feel like a normal woman. A chance to not spend days in bed and a chance to be active again! My fiance tries to be understanding but she just cant imagine my pain so its hard. If anyone has any suggestions I am all ears!